TrueBlood Barbie Twitter Tuesday 12/15/09

 *in deep throated voice* Welcome to TB Barbie Tuesdays! Where the plastic really flies!

 Our boxes might say appropriate for ages 3-6, but our Barbie cast is ready to bump it up a notch.

 Tonight’s motley crew are me the PaleAssNarrator



and introducing 





 *whispers to @TrashRatMack* stop with the headlock, this is not the Springer eddition…’

 *Radio anouncer voice* As I was saying, our Barbie Cast is ready to entertain you! Please make sure to follow all!

 Tonight’s episode takes us back to what one thought was a normal night @ Merlottes’…

where Vampires have been out and about but have not yet entered the sleepy town of Bon Temps *dramatic pause* … until now…

 Our show this evening starts wtih our Ms @SookieBarbie swivvling on her plastic legs to serve he latest customers…

 *feeling my plastic boobies fallin, I pull up on my bodice to adjust myself* What the?!! *feelin @TrashRatMack smack my booty*

  *sees the Rat’s sitting in one of my plastic booths* Ugh!

 @SookieBarbie Don’t let ’em get to you, chère. They’re not worth it. *reassuring plastic smile*

 *nods @SamtheShifter and swivles around pasting a plastic smile on my face, headed for the Rats*

 *thinking* Hell… there aint nothing on the menu that aint gonna give me the runs… *looking up*

 @TrashRatMack @slzyDeniseBarb Hey y’all, what can I get you tonight? *fake plastic grin*

 *thinking* oh sweet thing you can just wrap your lips around… wait a minute not built right… you can wrap your lips around summthin..

 @Sookiebarbie Why dont we start with a pitcher of Bud..

 *listening in disgust to @TrashRatMack‘s thoughts*

 *thinking of @SookieBarbie* Uh huh.. Oh yeah,, you can just take a ride on the Mack express and ride all the way to heaven…plastic heaven

 @TrashRatMack Alrighty, anything else? *feeling plasticy grin fadin’ and wonderin’ if Mattel knows about this lil defect*

 *pasting a fake plastic grin on my over-botoxed face thinkin what the hell is wrong with that @SookieBarbie*

 Wiping down the bar next to @TaraMaeBarbie

 Thinking I will cut a plastic barbie if @slzyDeniseBarb and @TrashRatMack dont stop being so nasty.

 @SookieBarbie Onion rings….with mustard. And not that spicy kind either.

 *glarin’ but with a grin! at @slzyDeniseBarb*

 *thinking, God! @Sookiebarbie is pathetic like a dog thats been kicked too many times, and keeps coming back for more.*

 *thinking of @sookieBarbie* Damn fine body even though she is make weird looks with her face… can you do that in plastic?

 @TrashRatMack @slzyDeniseBarb Comin’ right up.

 *plastic sigh* Poor @SookieBarbie *thinks* She should be holding my hard plastic hand instead.

 @TrashRatMack Me thinks that plastic @Sookiebarbie is a retard

 As @SookieBarbie walks toward @Samtheshifter… a dark haired stranger enters the bar… *dramatic music in the background*

 What the heck did @SamtheShifter just say? *plastic eyes wide open starring*

 Walking into Merlotte’s, bonerpants tight to my plastic….um nevermind *hip squeak*

 Sitting down in plastic booth *SQUEAK*

 @SamtheShifter Oh Em Gee! I think Merlotte’s just got it’s first PaleAss!

 he goes and sits at a booth, right next to our lovely couple @slzyDeniseBarb and @TrashRatMack

 Looks up @SookieBarbie with world’s sexiest plastic eyes *all of Barbiekind THUDS*

 *shoots plastic harpoons at the fail whale*


 *whispers* now twitter dont make me kick you…

 @SamtheShifter I better, um, go. I mean, go see what he wants….*scoots my plastic hiney over towards that gorgeous piece of Pale plastic*

 @PaleAssBill Hi! What can I get you? *super duper plastic smile

 Watching @SookieBarbie like a lost plastic dog

 @SookieBarbie *acting GI Joe casual* Do you have any of that synthetic bottled blood?

 *tosses luxurious blonde fake hair*

 Trying not to look obvious as I check out @SookieBarbie‘s plastic boobs

 *thinkin that mysterious plastic vamp man is pretty cute in a broody kind of way*

 @PaleAssBill Uh, no, sorry! Sam ordered some last year but it went bad since none of you PaleAsses came around. You’re our first! *twinkle*

 @SookieBarbie *world’s sexiest plastic head turn and SQUEAK* Am I that obvious?

 *swivvles plastic head 180* *thinking* Do we have a PaleAss here? Blood? *jumble of nuts and shavings flying in this little plastic head*

 @SookieBarbie *Tries to nod @SamtheShifter but realizes it’s not possible, dammit Mattel!* He does….

 @PaleAssBill *swivels head around 2 see @SamtheShifter then looks back @ the gorgeous hunk of cold dead plastic* Sam’s cool!He supports VRA!

 @SookieBarbie How progressive of him. *notices she doesn’t have a hole in plastic ring finger, will have to keep that in mind*

  *sexy plastic grin*

 @PaleAssBill Well, can I get you anything else? (Like me wearing my cute Mattel bikini lounging by my plastic pool outside a Winnebago..tmi)

 @SookieBarbie *thinks* Damn, the Paleass has it all over me. Mr Plastic Fantastic *plasticy grumble*

 plastic on plastic squeek when turning in the booth to get up * *thinking* man i need to get lubed…

 @SookieBarbie *checkin’ you out* Actually, no. But you can get me a plastic cup of red wine so I have a reason to be here.

 @PaleAssBill *bats lashes and one eye sticks shut* Oh crap! Well, whatever the reason you are here..*pulls lashes up* I’m glad you are!

 @paleassbill Now dontcha mind @SookieBarbie nuthin, she is as crazy as bedbug *flashing plastic charming grin*

 @SookieBarbie *world’s sexiest plastic stare, plastic seat shift* *SQUEAK*

 *Watching @SookieBarbie sashay* PLASTIC SCHWING

 glares @TrashRatMack* Pffft. *smiles sweetly @PaleAssBill* I’ll just get your wine.

 @TrashRatMack *quietly looking at you, not moving a plastic muscle*

 That @SookieBarbie is making parts of me melt, but I am broody so I don’t show it.

 @PaleAssBill Hey there, the name is Mack. this here is my wife Denise *pointing to @slzyDeniseBarb*

*trying to push my boobies up & then realizes that shit theyre plastic and dont move* *hopes nobody saw that*

 *fixin’ the PaleAss his wine while listenin’ to all the bar chatter in my plasic noodle*

 @PaleAssBill Hello! *licks my red plastic lips*

 attempts nodding @slzyDeniseBarb @TrashRatMack but just rotates head 45 degrees instead* Good Evening.

 @slzyDeniseBarb *thinks, she isn’t nearly as plastically sexy as @SookieBarbie*

 @TaraMaeBarbie What a Biotch! Do you think she’s going to really let him bite her? *wishes it was me gettin’ bittin’ by the sexy PaleAss*

 @SookieBarbie You know how many people are having sex with vampires these days? Sometimes those people … disappear.

 *pressing my hard plastic self against that shiny (non-sparkly) plastic @PaleAssBill*

 & our vision of a match made in plastic heaven, @TrashRatmack & @slzyDeniseBarb, start 2 inch there way to @PaleAssBill, while @SookieBarbie

 @TaraMaeBarbie No, he’s not like that. His sexy plastic self doesn’t play that game! He’s a vegetarian! Wait…wrong book…

 @SookieBarbie OK, you spoke to him for, like, a minute! You don’t know how many people he sucked the blood out of. *looks for a sparkle*

 *being rubbed by @slzyDeniseBarb, but not looking because even though I AM PLASTIC VAMPIRE, she is plastic skank!*

 *tossing my shiny fake hair about, running my stiff, non flexible hands up & down @PaleAssBill*

 Too bad I am such a hungry, broody PaleAss. This plastic mainstreaming sucks *plastic laugh* That was funny, Pale Ass Bill.

 *keeping blank grin on* *thinking nice and eaasy @slzydenisebarb* slowling bait the hook ..

 @TaraMaeBarbie But he’s SO not scary! Look at him,I bet if it was daylight thered be plastic flecks of sparkles all over his gorgeousness…

 @SookieBarbie Sweet Jesus in heaven, Sookie! He is a plastic Pale Ass vampire! *thinks her brain has melted a bit* He’s not a sparkly effer

 *Can hear @SookieBarbie with plastic paleass hearing and plastic growls at the though of sparky effers*

 *wonderin why vamp blood turns me into such a skanky little ho*

 *mentally egging @slzyDeniseBarb on* thats it sugah…

 @TaraMaeBarbie Yeah but he’s trying to fit in!He wants to fit in with PETA too and not kill animals!He’s SO dreamy!*glances at @PaleAssBill*

 *wondering what plastic trailer park @TrashRatMack slithered out of*

 @SookieBarbie You willing to pass up all your favorite tiny rubber foods to spend the rest of your life drinking little plastic Slim-Fasts?

 *still scooching my way closer to @PaleAssBill. trying to basically sit in his hard plastic lap*

 *thinking about @PaleAssBill* We got this Pale Ass… Gah, the blood… oh yeah… damn he’s a big’un

 *staring straight ahead, plastic dark gaze*

 *rubbing on @PaleAssBill‘s cold hard plastic shoulders*

 Thinking if @BellesBarbie were here, I would have 8 tiny rubber cheeses to go with my plastic wine cup

 Wanting to spray Lysol all over Mr. PaleAss since heaven only knows where @slzyDeniseBarb‘s plastic hands have been

 *thinking* blood.. so close… come on @slzdenisebarb… reel this Pale Ass fish in… gah the blood… need the blood…

 *gazing @PaleAssBill trying to bash my eyelashes, but they just won’t budge* I mean, people have always discriminated against me

 *thinnks I’m not going to get to knock plastic boots with @SookieBarbie for a few more days & I’m hungry @TrashRatMack @slzyDeniseBarb*

 *laughing* @slzydenisebarb @PaleAssBill Oh boy, have they ever

 @PaleAssBill *eye roll* And just because I never felt like being what society wanted me to be, you know?

 *20 degree head swivel* @slzyDeniseBarb *nope, still not hot*

 If I could hear what the PaleAss was thinking that last comment would have me ROFLMAO.

 @PaleAssBill @slzydenisbarb nuh uh, me neither… me neither *thinking Gah… how much blood.. Blood, Blood.. a fortune of blood

 *Being the sexiest plastic undead man at Merlotte’s*

 @PaleAssBill *bringing my hand down to his leg, rubbing it* So we know what its been like for you, being plastic & all.

*covertly licking my plastic lips at the sexy plastic undead man in Merlotte’s*

 *walkin’ back up to the plastic booth* Can I get y’all anything else? *nasty people*

 * attempting to look down @slzyDeniseBarb rubbing my plastic thigh* Thankfully Mattel has made it impossible for me to see that.

 *thinking hes not a gracious plenty wielding paleass, but hes still prob got like 11 or 12 pints in him.*

 @TrashRatMack @slzyDeniseBarb I’m gonna bring y’all a free round of plastic that’s colored to look like beer. OK?!!

 *thinks I am really glad I do not have a plastic Alabaster Master right now @slzyDeniseBarb*

 *under her breath* Holy snip! *thinkin thats almost 200 ounces. I bet we cld get 500 an ounce in Dalls* Snip me!

 *thinking @SookleBarbie* whats her problem… dimwit… must be the empty head… just blond hair plastic ears and air in between..Blood..

 *plastic broody look @SookieBarbie* *PLASTIC SCHWING*

 *green dollar signs fly around in my sleazy plastic head as I think thats like $10000! Sweet Jesus! Holy caca!*

 Boy am I glad I shaved before @PaleAssLorena turned me or I may have that ugly drawn on beard like @TrashRatMack

 *turns around,attempting 2 walk the bar but realizes my feet R still pointing towards the table* Oopsie! *cranks em around & marches off*

 *plastic smile arises as I realize I did math in my head. Thinkin this has never happened to me before and chuckles*

 *sneaks a broody plastic look at @SookieBarbie‘s rubbery calves**PLASTIC FANG POP*

 Wonderin’ if the PaleAss just plastic schwing’d me *swoon*

 *thinking* looks like the Mack is right about @SookieBarbie.. your as nuts as everyone says you are.. still with a body made in China..

 *licks my plastic sleazy lips thinkin about all this pale ass blood we’re about to drain*

  @TaraMaeBarbie Tara, we need to save him!!!! (plastic heart pounding)

 I’d give that nasty @TrashRatMack the finger if only they weren’t all molded together!

 @SookieBarbie Stop Who?? Why?? You are going to pull my arm off & I just got this one replaced.

 @TaraMaeBarbie The Ratt’s they’re gonna drain the PaleAss and sell his blood! We have to stop them!

 @SookieBarbie *pulling my arm away before you pull it off * No, we do not! We don’t have to get anywhere near that vampire! Or the rats!

 @SookieBarbie *squeaky head swivel*The PaleAss can take care of himself. I promise you. I heard he has Kung Fu grip!

 @TaraMaeBarbie *plasic glare* I’m very disappointed in you and your small-mindedness tara. Pffft

 *swivels head to see that the plastic booth is….EMPTY!*

 Where did @slzyDeniseBarb , @TrashRatMack, and our @PaleAssBill go? Will @SookieBarbie gain super barbie powers and save the day?

 Tune in for the next TB Twitter Barbie Tuesday in 2 weeks!

 Lets give our cast of Characters a plastic round of applause!!

Tongihts performers were @MCC18 as @SookieBarbie, @lilabitblf as @PaleAssNarrator, @smeykunz as @PaleAssBill@crazygem85 as @slzyDeniseBarb , @lilabitblf as @TrashRatMack, @smeykunz as @SamtheShifter , and me as @TaraMaeBarbie

 *plastic squeaky gentlemanly waist bow*

 We thank you kindly! *regal court bow to audience*

 *Nods head and nylon hair sways*

  *Plastic curtsy with a hair flip*

 shakes head, tousling hair and waves to the audience*

 Ya’ll better clap or I will bitch slap everyone of you

 ROARING PLASTIC LAUGHTER RT @TaraMaeBarbie Ya’ll better clap or I will bitch slap everyone of you.


~ by ssbookclub on December 18, 2009.

One Response to “TrueBlood Barbie Twitter Tuesday 12/15/09”

  1. […] Catch up here […]

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