TrueBlood Barbie Twitter Tuesday 12/29/09

  mumbling* Making a list checking it twice.. @PaleAssNarrator – nice, @SookieBarbie – nice, @slzyDenisebarb… *quickly clears throat and shakes head* and that one is to tough to call *turns to microphone* and…

 Welcome to TB Barbie Twitter Tuesday! Our Barbies are so hot the plastic is melting!

 Our barbies are waiting in the wings to entertain you! We last found our @SookieBarbie wondering where @PaleAssBill, @slzyDenisBarb, and @TrashRatMAck disappeared too…

  @SookieBarbie,

  @PaleAssBill,

 @slzyDenisBarb,

 @TrashRatMack,

 And so our story continues…

 *checking self in da mirra* Lookin’ fine as always.

 *fixin’ my Barbie ponytail*

 *lookin’ for the vamp

 *gags* he don’t know I can hear his trash thoughts y’all @TrashRatMack

 where has that @PaleAssBill gone off to?

 *wonderin what that plastic freak Sookie is gaggin at* I’ll give ya somethin to …nvm @SookieBarbie

 Where did @paleassbill @slzydenisbarb @trashratmack run off to?

 *running outside Merlottes* hey! Who got a pink Barbie Jeep? *jealous*

 *closin’ my eyes so I can hear better y’all* this would be easier if I had eyelids that closed…

 Wait! I think I hear @slzydenisbarb @trashratmack talkin’ <snip>

 Look at this. This is so thick. Damn, this is gonna bring a pretty plastic penny! We should keep some for ourselves @trashratmack

 *plastic flesh melting*

 *holdin’ @PaleAssBill down* Hurry your plastic booty up ! @SlzyDeniseBarb

 If @trashratmack freaks out on me again, I am so through withhis no good plastic ass

 *re-focusing my eyes (cuz I can’t close them y’all)* I think I can smell their cheap plastic too *runs over towards voices and bad smell*

 *glancing between @slzyDeniseBarb @TrashRatMack Painful plastic fangs descend*

 Look! A pink plastic chain attached to the Barbie Jeep! Eureka! *takes plastic chain*

 *trying to find change to pay twitter toll* Twitter dont fail me now… Wait… i dont have cash, i have plastic

 *inches forward* I’m real glad you can’t smell how cheap they were manufactured. Wait…is that plastic melting too? *sniffs* @paleassbill

 *holding @PaleAssBill down poking him with this plastic needle. will. not. break. through. the. plastic. damn it*

 @PaleAssNarrator PLOL! (plastic laughing out loud!)

 *quietly approaching holding my delicate plastic nose* @PaleAssBill @slzydenisebarb @trashratmack

 Hurry up @SlzyDeniseBarb *turns head around 360 degrees lookin for trouble*

 *reaching in my shirt finding my handy dandy metal needle & jams it into @PaleAssBill* This shld drain him nicely *evil laugh

 *lying helpless, melting while @slzyDeniseBarb pokes me* Good thing she isn’t a phlebotomist.

 Oh no! The plastic trash are trying to drain @PaleAssBill!!! *plastic fuming* @TrashRatMack @slzydenisebarb

 *shifty plastic eyes*

 @TrashRatMack *thinkin he annoys me so* We should’ve taken him home to our malibu styled plastic trailer!

 *sneaks up behind@TrashRatMack* Plastic SMACK! with my pink chain (I might keep this) @slzydenisebarb

 *flares nostrils at stench of melting self*

 Too damn dangerous. Where’s we gonna hide a PaleAss in our plastic trailer ? @SlzyDeniseBarb

 @TrashRatMack Well, at least we wouldn’t be out in the gosh darn open like this!

 Twitter! Quit being a plastic slattern. What do you think this is? A Bratz Twitter Tuesday?

 *resumes melting*

 I need me some liquid plastic V-juice and I need it bad! *plastic eye twitch* My body is starting to hurt and I just need to get it in me!

 @TrashRatMack Shush it, Mack, you’re a doggone flippin drug addict, do you know that?

 Maybe I didn’t smack your cheap ass <snip> <snip> motha<snippin> back hard enough! SMAAAAACK!!! @slzyDeniseBarb @trashratmack

 *that pink chain sure is purty. I need to get me one of those*

 @SlzyDeniseBarb Woman, would you just shut your plastic pie hole??!!! I really wish that since your lips don’t move you couldn’t talk….

 @SookieBarbie Ouch! You crazy plastic beeotch!

 *thinking* I knew @TrashRatMack had a thick head… maybe he was made by Rubermaid and not Matel…hmm

 *lunges, as well as I can since I have no real knees to speak of, at @SookieBarbie

 @SookieBarbie Oh im gonna get ur white plastic ass. nobody interrupts my V drainin & um nobody here hurts my trashy mack

 *lying helpless watching @SookieBarbie with that pink chain* That’s sexy in a Butch Barbie kind of way.

 *lunges at @TrashRatMack and wraps the plastic chain around his cheap-ass plastc neck* If you could breathe I would CHOKE YOU

 *clutches pink plastic chain around my neck wonderin’ why I can’t pry it loose* If. Only. I. Had. Working. Thumbs.

@SookieBarbie Oh you did it now *starts charging after her but cant move quite fast enough cuz these knees dont bend too well*

 *gives @slzyDeniseBarb the LOOK* you know which look i’m talkin’ about folks *stops you in your <snippin> tracks*

 *geez, youd think these knees would bend easier. I mean im used to being down on them*

 *bats eyelashes at @PaleAssBill* wait -I can’t move my plastic eyelids, that’s right

 @TrashRatMack *painful whisper* GI Joe Kung Fu grip, look into it. I hear it can be retrofitted.

 @SookieBarbie Look, this aint none of your beeswax, you stupid plastic beatch!

 *Wobbles around trying to loosen this ridiculous looking pink chain around my neck and my plastic eyes are starting to bulge

@SookieBarbie *staring at you, not blinking since I don’t even HAVE eyelids*

 Glares all bug-eyed at @PaleAssBill*

 @slzyDeniseBarb Lissen here you Made In China Barbie wanna be you are showing how low-cost you really are! BEATCH

 *thinkin’* Maybe if I just pop my plastic head off for a sec I can get this chain off too….

 @SookieBarbie I was made in America. In the backseat of my china made parents car. Geez! And look here girlie, you dont know u messin with

@slzyDeniseBarb @SookieBarbie *thinking* I have the best seat in the house for a Cat fight. Where’s the jello? mud?

 @SookieBarbie *points finger at her & shakes it from side to side* You do not want to be on my bad side

  I am a lady. Even if I am a manufactured one. I will not be cussin’

 Poor Bill. No eyelids. At least I have painted on ones. @PaleAssBill

 @slzyDeniseBarb *flips Made In USA perfect golden hair* I don’t want to be on ANY of your sides

 I bet Kevin Federline never had this problem *continues struggling with the pink plastic chain*

 *steps back away from @SookieBarbie and runs towards @PaleAssbill to grab those bags of blood*

 Stop right there @slzyDeniseBarb! Don’t even think about taking the plastic V juice!!! @paleassbill

 I’m in pain here, throw a guy a bone @slzyDeniseBarb @SookieBarbie At least pull some hair.

 *@sookiebarbie is so flippin annoying. she thinks shes the miss america barbie or somethin. I’ll show her* I will kill ur pale plastic ass

 Well shitake, @PaleAssBill, your plastic priorities seem to be outta whack (what? I didn’t cuss)

 @PaleAssBill Dont get smart there Mr Vamp. I may be trashy, but no one touches my hair. Now shut up and keep melting

 *throws @PaleAssBill a bone* I feel your pain bro.

 *thrusts plastic knife I got from GI Joe* GET OUT @slzyDeniseBarb! LEAVE! NOW!

@SookieBarbie @slzyDeniseBarb Can’t blame a paleass for trying *plastic grin* As you were ladies.

 Knowin’ really is half the battle folks

 Come on @TrashRatMack *grabs a hold of his stiff plastic member and pulls him along*

 @SookieBarbie This aint over missie. I’ll get u for this. Mark my words

 *cringes @slzyDeniseBarb yanking on @TrashRatMack‘s “plastabaster master”*

 *plastic grin* Guess I’m gettin some tonight! Girl you need to get this chain off my neck first though….

 *rushes to @PaleAssBill and sort of kneels* uff! My legs don’t bend so well *removing silver chains* ugh the smell is awful y’all

 @TrashRatMack Get your lazy plastic ass moving. Why cant u take that stupid thing off? I aint got no time for a god damn cripple

 That’s not exactly what I had in mind when I said “throw me a plastic bone”.

 @SookieBarbie *wincing in pain, sneaking a peek at your plastic rack*

 I am getting my purty ass out of here one way or another *turns and walks my plastic self away mumbling obscenities*

 @SlzyDeniseBarb *glares* Wait…You…how else am I gonna….

 *amazed at how @PaleAssBill is healing* Son of a Nutcracker! Even the smell is leavin’

*grabbing @slzyDenisebarb‘s hair pick to threaten twttier* uh huh… so this is how you want to play it

 *I swear that @TrashRatMack aint good for nothin. I need to find me a new piece of trashy plastic ass*

 *rubbing my wrists* *plastic on plastic squeaking* @SookieBarbie

 Can y’all believe she called me missie? // @SookieBarbie This aint over missie. I’ll get u for this. Mark my words /via @slzyDeniseBarb

 @PaleAssNarrator Yo, i need my hair pick. Check it

 @slzyDeniseBarb You’d be lucky to get half a good a man as me! I have movable joints!

 *winces at plastic squeaking* Shut. Up. That’s a neat trick @PaleAssBill! Now stop lookin’ at my plastic rack. I see you.

 @TrashRatMack Those joints are about the only thing thats movin

 *whispers to @SookieBarbie* She was channeling her inner Wicked Witch of the West

 *glances @SookieBarbie‘s plastic butt instead*

 @slzyDeniseBarb Would you just shut it and get this frikken plastic chain off my neck woman!

 @TrashRatMack Dont you tell me what to do. You just like your mama, always barkin orders. Geez louise!

*hears a cheaply made-in-china car barreling our way* @PaleAssBill quick! Move! Jesus Christ Shepherd of Judea BEND YOUR KNEES

 *wiggles my plastic butt for @PaleAssBill‘s benefit* ah-ah no touchey the buttay

*puuuuuuullls @PaleAssBill* heeeeave Bill! Heeeeeeeave!!!

We’re both gonna be plastic road kill at the rate we’re movin’

 @slzyDeniseBarb I bark so that you understand! *thinks he mighta just said a lil bit too much*

 I can’t @SookieBarbie, I’m an older model paleass with no joints *makes lame attempt to kick up away from the street as you pull me*

*hops into my ride and slams on the gas charging towards @PaleAssBill & @SookieBarbie* I’m gonna get you Bitch!!

 *pulls into the Lego trees just in time* @paleassbill here, lean against this trunk. Watch out for the sharp edges.

 *holds on for my dear plastic life* Crazy azz woman drivers!

@SookieBarbie *leaning against trunk in my sexy, yet torn, henley*

 @PaleAssBill I am so sorry I didn’t get here quicker! My legs don’t bend at the knees and my toes only point…are you okay?

 @TrashRatMack Keep talkin to me like that. Youz about to get cutoff. No plastic bumpin & grindin for you

Damn, this tree is bumpy

 @PaleAssBill do you want me to leave? *torn henley – mrawr*

@SookieBarbie *plastic stare*

@SookieBarbie No, they might come back and there are too many holes in my plastic to fight.

 *hears a dog barking in the background* what are those things called? AIBOs or somethin’…

 *barks* Arf Arh

 *dogs runs up and licks my plastic face* hey there doggy *plastic tail wag*

*watching @SookieBarbie being licked my that nylon matted down dog*

 @PaleAssBill this dog hangs around the bar a lot…he must have a plastic house nearby (plastic doghouse? Get it? Anyone?)

@SookieBarbie He looks like he’s checking on you, and also getting a bit too friendly.

@SookieBarbie (Bueller?) No, doubt.

 *starts to remove tubing around @PaleAssBill‘s arm* hey! Why are you snappin’ your arm away? I just saved your pale ass

@SookieBarbie Sorry, I was trying to bend….damn lack of joints. *plastic mumbles* Thank you.

 @PaleAssBill no plastic mumblin’ round here. Speak up. Or are you unhappy about being rescued by a Barbie?

I mean, it’s not like I wasn’t trained in plastic-to-plastic combat by GI Joe

 *tryin’ to hear @PaleAssBill‘s thoughts* I can’t hear you

@SookieBarbie *clears excess plastic from throat* THANK YOU!

 *tries to kneel in front of @PaleAssBill* uff! Plastic joints aren’t what they used to be. No,  I can hear you, I just can’t HEAR you

@SookieBarbie Aren’t you afraid to be around a hungry Polyurethane paleass?

 @PaleAssBill first of all, what’s polyurethane? Second, my grandmama didn’t raise no fool *shows neck and wrists, now wrapped in silver*

@SookieBarbie Paleasses often turn on those who trust them. We don’t have values like you. We’re like those toys from Hasbro

@SookieBarbie You have other very juicy arteries. There’s one in the groin that’s a particular favorite of mine. *eyes plastic leg joint*

 @PaleAssBill so do non-paleasses. You saw what the those cheap poly..polyur…whatever the cheap plastic couple did to you

 @PaleAssBill *rolls plastic eyes* hellooooo I’m solid plastic (Made In The US of A thankyouverymuch) I don’t have arteries

 @PaleAssBill if you don’t mind my askin’, what’s your name?

@SookieBarbie *straight plastic face* Bill

 @PaleAssBill what?!?? ROFLMPAOOOOOO Bill??? I thought it would be Antoine or Basil or Langford…Vampire Bill!! LMPAO

 And that concludes our TB Barbie Tuesday Show. We hope you join us in 2 weeks for our next episode! *note to self to pay the twitter bill*

@SookieBarbie Better than Eric *plastic grin*

 You wish!

 Lets give our Barbies a hand… or a leg!

 Please give a plastic round of applause for the Barbies and the brains behind the Barbies! *claps* We have @lilabitblf as the @PaleAssNarrator . @LucysPet as @SookieBarbie , @smeykunz as @PaleAssBill, @MCC18 as @TrashRatMack and @crazygem85 and the oh so nasty @slzyDeniseBarb Great job ladies!!!!

*squeaky waist bow*

 *trashy plastic wink*

*doing a little shimmie & bending to take a bow*

 I would curtsy but I don’t bend at the waist. Thanks for tunin’ in y’all

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~ by ssbookclub on December 29, 2009.

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